Value no. 1
We fuel the hatred between departments. Professionally.
Silos aren’t a problem. They’re our business model. We supply every corridor with ammunition against the next one – neatly documented and audit-proof.
BreakingComing soon
Coming soon.
Unlike your IT department.
The web app that counts how often you do other departments’ jobs. In black and white. With charts. For the next team meeting you were never going to survive anyway.
Launching in
The launch date has not been confirmed.
Provisionally. Roughly. Possibly.
1,337 sufferers already waiting. Longer than they’ve waited for Facilities.
No app store. No download. No sign-off from any department.
Runs in the browser on phone and desktop. You can still install it – like an app, minus the app-store bureaucracy.
Sneak peek
Fancy a click about?
The clickable prototype shows what it’ll look like.
Heads-up: it’s a clickable prototype with made-up data. Nothing is saved or sent – the only real thing is the frustration.
Try the clickable prototype
Exclusive
Fine, I’ll do it myself
Jess’s 24/7 ▾Issue 601
Breaking Security · 2 hrs ago
Security goes into hiding – nurse does it themselves
The 5th time this month. Kettle “definitely involved”, say sources.
Someone else’s job, done
25
Days without letdown
0
File your story
How it works
- 1
A department lets you down
“Busy.” “Not our department.” “Have you raised a ticket?” You know the drill.
- 2
You log it in 30 seconds
Department, excuse, did you do it yourself? Done. Faster than any helpdesk hold music.
- 3
It makes the front page
As a headline. Date-stamped. Forever. And at month’s end you get the numbers.
Our values
Agreed unanimously by the board. Nobody has spoken to each other since.
Value no. 2
We divide people. Sustainably.
Team building is over. Team-against-team is in. Carbon neutral, as the atmosphere is already frosty.
Value no. 3
People are annoying. We give you the tool.
Finally, an outlet that isn’t the staff kitchen. Vent away – structured, with mandatory fields and a 280-character limit.
Value no. 4
Radical transparency. Mostly about others.
Every excuse, on record. Date, time and a chart. We’d rather not talk about ourselves.
We do have one line: You log departments and roles – never named individuals. We’re mean, not stupid.
What our sufferers say
4.9 out of 5 · from 1,337 reviews we wrote ourselves
★★★★★
“Since I started using the web app, I’ve never had to go to a Christmas do again. Nobody invites me any more.”
★★★★★
“Facilities don’t say hello to me any more. Bliss.”
★★★★★
“Logged IT 47 times. IT never logged me. IT is never there.”
★★★★★
“My flatmates don’t speak to me. But the bins are out.”
★★★★★
“Five stars. Would grass up my colleagues again.”
★★★★★
“Unfair and one-sided. We genuinely were busy.”
All testimonials entirely made up. Like most testimonials on the internet.
Support our mission
Every pound helps us dig deeper trenches between departments. Deeper. Wider. With a cost centre.
Donations are not tax-deductible. Nor morally defensible.
FAQ
Isn’t this a bit toxic?
Yes. But with charts.
Do you name people?
No. Departments and roles only. “Landlord” yes, “Dave” no. Clubs are private and invite-only.
When’s it out?
Soon. We’ve raised a ticket.
Do I need to download anything?
No. It’s a web app: it runs in your browser, on your phone or your computer. Add it to your home screen if you like – it looks like an app, minus the app store, the approval process and the ticket.
How much is it?
Nothing. You’ll pay for it at the next department meeting.
Can my manager see this?
There’s a CSV export with neutral labels for managers. Keep the headlines to yourself.
Be there when it lands
We’ll let you know. Straight away. No ticket. No hold music.